Take A Shot, Love Me Now, Love Me Not.

I quit ECA.
I want to quit CSPA.
I'll never be a dancer, why waste my time?
I'm not good enough, and I'll never be.

I really can't make up my mind.
A big part of me despises talking to you. I have no desire to and I feel like I'm bothering you.
Another part of me wished on every 11:11 I saw that we would talk.
What do I really, truly want?
I don't know.
And why do you initiate ONE conversation and nothing else?
Blah. Then I don't know if you just don't want us to talk or what.
Blahblahblahblahblah. Why did we ever start talking? You confuse the shit out of me.

I want OUT of therapy.
It's wasting my time.
And doing absolutely NOTHING.
I want to go back to the summer. I want to redo everything. Had I done it right, I would have been out of therapy in December.

I'm sore and I'm exhausted from crying.
I think I have an addiction to something. (It's not drugs, don't get all jsjdfksdlkjks.)
It can't kill me (well technically I guess it could, if I were using it to) or give me like brain damage or anything.
So I mean, it's not that bad, right?

I'm done trying in school. I'm just going to let myself fail.
I don't care about getting into college. I probably won't even go.

I want to be one of those girls that everyone's like "oh, she's so pretty." But I'll never be. I hate looking in the mirror (unless it's to do my eyebrows, OCD much?) because I always think about how much I need to change about myself.

I don't ever want to date again. I'm not a good girlfriend. I have too many problems. I'm horrible person. Whatever. Nobody wants me anyway. (Well.. No one that I would do anything about.. Oh wait, that's pretty much everyone.)

Fuckmylife.

xoxo<3