Don't Save Me, I'm Not The One You Should Be Looking Out For

It's crazy how happy I can get from assisting the little kids at dance. They are the sweetest kids, and they look up to you and see you as a good person. They don't know your faults and they don't judge for no reason. They love to share accomplishments and stories with you. For example, Mia was in the parking lot when I was getting out of the car and she goes "Hi Miss Nichole!" And I'm like "Hi Mia" and she's like "I got new boots!!" And the look on her face was pure excitement. It was amazing. I've taught her for 3 years now and she's grown up so much. And then there's Amanda who's new this year, and every week she has a new story about her brother or her dog and Francesca who does all the crazy gymnastics moves. It's like you grow to become one of their best friends. And then there's my Tuesday class, who I've only been with for a year, with the exception of three of them who I had my first year. I've bonded with two girls (in addition to the three I already knew) in that class and they're the two troublemakers. Emily NEVER listens in class so I always have to be like "Em, listen to Miss Caryn" but for some reason she still loves me. I just found out she's moving to Maryland over the summer :( I'm going to miss her lots.
I just really don't know what I want to do anymore. I mean, I'd love to be a dance teacher, but I'm so not into taking classes anymore. I feel like there's so much pressure in class to make sure you do everything right because people will be watching and they will judge. I feel like nothing I do in my classes is ever good enough. I was talking to my mom and I was like "I don't know. My singing voice has gotten bad and so has my dancing." And she's like "No. Well, maybe it's time for you to find something else to do." And then last night we were watching America's Best Dance Crew and my mom goes "That girl is too heavy to be a dancer" and the girl was like frigging thinner than me so I go "No." And my moms like "You don't think so? I mean she's too big to shake like that." So I just glared at her. Maybe I'm just not meant to be a dancer. Blahhhh. I don't know what to do.

I want to be alone. Like I wish I could run away to the middle of nowhere. And stay there for a while. I'm not really a fan of talking to people lately (unless they give hugs!) I don't trust anyone. I feel like they're all trying to trick me or lie to me. Maybe I'm paranoid? But I don't think so.

I'm watching Snapped (it's on oxygen and it's amazing, so go watch it!) so I'm going to go. My posts are pointless anyway. Why are you reading them?

xoxo<3