Now She Hardly Recognizes Herself At All.

I seem to be waking up with "Slow Motion" by Third Eye Blind in my head a lot lately.
And I don't know why, cause it's like a freakish song.

I had a dream about the kid I'm not supposed to mention last night. In my dream we were hanging out again. And then my cat woke me because he had gotten locked in my room. When I woke up I checked my phone and had an email from Blogger that I had a new comment from the exact same kid saying that he's done with me. Which I knew, but then I couldn't fall back to sleep cause I was thinking about a lot.
And when I finally fell back to sleep? I had a dream that I met some kid named Dimitri (go figure, ahah, and I made him watch Anastasia, well kind of, because..) and we ended up making out on my bed? Hahaha, like that would ever happen.

So I went to Roller Magic with Rory last night, and I was standing by the door trying to call Lindsey and this kid walks in with his friends (and thinks I'm deaf?) and goes "She's hot" so his friend goes "Who?" and he points to me. So I turned around cause it was awkward like, lol. So then I was skating again and I came back to check a text and the kid whispers something to his friend and his friend goes "Go flirt with her." So, I'm kind of like sweet, maybe somethings going to happen. (I was in a crazy teasing mood last night =/) So I like sat at a table by myself kind of hoping he'd come over and then Rory comes over and the kid sees him. The kid ended up never coming over, because Rory kept sitting with me. And I think the kid thought rory was my boyfriend. Uhhhhggggg.

I started my diet today. A little late, I know, Florida is in 21 days. But it's whatevs. I'm going to have a bagel/granola bar for breakfast, an apple for lunch, maybe pretzels on the way home from ECA, and dinner everyday. Sounds good, ay?

Why does it seem that your heart is against you? And makes you fall in love with the worst people?

I have to go to my cousin's 18th birthday party tonight. Woo. Except not.

Am I truly happy? I've changed into the kind of person I've always hated.
Is this what I want to be? It seems like it is? But I'm not sure.
I'm not as quiet, not as reserved. I'd probably do anything to please someone.
That's not me, well, not the old me. Is it the new me? Is this who I am?
This shouldn't be such a hard thing. It really shouldn't. But yet it is.
Is this a change for the better? Opinions?

"I don't know why we all hang on to something we know we're better off letting go. It's like we're scared to lose what we really don't even have. Some of us say we'd rather have something than nothing at all, but the truth is.. to have something halfway is harder than not having it at all"

xoxo<3