I've Got Some Imperfections, But How Could You Collect Them All and Throw Them in My Face

This is a bitch and complain post. If you don't want to read it, don't. No one is making you. I just need to do this right now, to maybe uh.. brighten my mood? If that's possible.

1. I can't fucking stand when my boobs fall out of every shirt I wear. I mean, some occasions, it's fine. But when I'm trying to find clothes for a funeral and my boobs make it impossible, I get pissed.
2. I hate when you say the word "love" because it reminds me of "I love you, No I don't, it's too early. I love you, No I don't, it's too early."
3. Sometimes I think the bad of being on birth control outweighs the good. I hate that it made me gain weight.
4. Midterms are a waste of my life. And I hate that I'm stuck with the decision to go in and fail them or take them after Florida.
5. I want my grandma back.
6. I wish I had spent more time with her.
7. When my grandpa cries, it makes me cry.
8. I love that I have people coming to the wake for support but at the same time I don't know if I want them all seeing me crying.
9. I feel like crying makes me extremely vulnerable and I can't deal with it.
10. When I saw someone that looked like you in the mall tonight with their girlfriend, my heart stopped even though I knew it wasn't you. Not going to lie.
11. I really really really really want a hug.
12. My grandpa's hugs are the best. Maybe because he's the closest thing I've had to a father figure in my life.
13. I can't stand it when people are afraid to ask about death. I'm fine with it, honestly. If you have a question about my dad or grandma just ask. Don't try to ask my friends or get them to ask for you.
14. I hate when people know the real me. And I don't let most people. So therapy doesn't and never will work for me. She doesn't know anything about me.
15. I wish there was some way to make my two year old cousin understand what happened to Memere (what we called our grandma, gotta love my french side of the family.)
    
16. I don't remember my dad's funeral at all. I remember the wake and being bored and having my mom's friend take me to Toys R Us. She bought me an Anastasia princess thing with a dress and tiara. That was the last movie I saw in theaters with my dad and we had both gotten all dressed up because he called it our litte date. Haha, obsession.
17. Most of me has gotten over my dad's death. But I wish he was still here.
18. I'm scared to drink or do drugs, because I don't want to end up like him.
19. I think Nick knows more about me through pointless rants (if he ever listened..) than I even intented him to.
20. I'm not as excited about Florida as I was.
21. I'm afraid of being alone. It really scares me lately.
22. I hate when people's friends answer things about them. Especially if I don't know the friend that's talking. Fuck postsecret. dhasfhdlffssasdlkf;
23. If I could sleep forever I would.
24. I feel like by quitting ECA I'm throwing away my whole future. But I can't deal with this schedule anymore. I can't even deal with Seymour High. Stress and anxiety are taking over my life.
25. I wish I was born a normal person.
26. I can't stand being so overweight. I fail at all my diets.
27. I wish my mom would come home from work. I feel so much more comfortable when she's home.