Touch Me, T-Touch Me Baby, But Don't Mess Up My Hair

I'm back to livejournal.
Find me there: http://ttouchmebaby.livejournal.com/

Since You've Been Gone, I Can Breathe for the First Time

New phone on Thursday!
I went to cingular, ugh, I mean at&t, and played with the eternity and iphone. I'm so much more a fan of the eternity. At least until the new updates happen to the iphone.. As of now the iphone can't send picture msg or take video. Plus, the full keyboard is really small. I played with the eternity for like 15 minutes.
I would have gotten my eternity tonight but it's like 'buy one get one free' so my brother is getting one too. And, he wasn't there tonight so he couldn't see it and my mom's all "He needs to see it before I buy it!" And then I was could've gotten it tmrw but the guy was like "Well, I wont be here again til Thursday so you can come then"
I'm really super psyched though, I had my mom call the guy again after we left and ask if you could put a cell charm on it (because you can't on the blackberry, huge disappointment) and he said he's pretty sure you can! yesyesyes!
It's really odd though, I'm really scared of giving up my blackberry. Like, it's my baby, I love that phone soo much. And it's not like I'm totally losing it, cause my mom gets it and she said if I didn't like the eternity her and I could trade phones but I don't know, I'm just like freakishly attached to my blackberry. Usually it's super easy for me to get a new phone and now, as much as I want the new one, I'm all sad about the blackberry. Yeah, it's okay to laugh at me.

Hiking the mountain path at Southford Falls tmrw with Lindsey around 1 or 2 if anyone wants to go. We're probably going back to my house after, you're also all invited there too. IM or text for details?

Remember my paragraph a few posts ago about getting in a fight with Pawluk? Well, on Thursday when I was in Advisory, which is right after Pawluk's class, I got an email from him saying something to the effect of "I changed your grade on the outline to a 75. You did really good in the 3rd quarter. Keep it up. -Mr. Pawluk-" So, that's good? I guess?

Well, I'm in a fantastic mood.. which is, actually no, it isn't unusal.
Everything has been going AMAZING.
Four more weeks of therapy and I'm DONE FOREVER.
Life's amazing.
End of story.

xoxo<3

Everyone's a Letdown, It Just Depends on How Far Down They Can Go

I'm getting really discouraged.
I'm looking thinner, but the number on the scale IS NOT changing.
WHYWHYWHY?
The last time the number on the scale went down was when I wasn't eating at all.
Every time I see the number not changing I think about the above, and I think about skipping meals. But I keep telling myself the only way to be healthy and feel good is losing weight the right way.
I have about a month and a half (til June 7) to lose weight for recital, and then about 2 months til our vacation.
I'm going to do an extreme amount of sit ups today and play a lot of wii fit.
I REALLYREALLYREALLY hope it does something :/
Ugh.

There's Only 1 Thing, 2 Do, 3 Words, 4 You; I Love You

Lindsey and I walked six miles today. Yay. It pumped me up so much. But now I am so tired.

I plan on doing the Southford Falls mountain hike either Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. Probably not Thursday though because I have dance that night and I don't want to dance with sore feet. And probably not Friday because I have to do homework. So uh, probably Wednesday. If anyone wants to come with us, let me know.

Easter was fun. We got my grandpa, aunt, and cousin to play wii fit. My uncle was a bitch as usual though. My uncle looks at my boobs and goes "Nice dress. Are you going to finish putting it on?" So I'm like "You get big boobs and try finding clothes for them" and I walked away. Like for real, he's getting on my nerves.

I had a lot to write, at one point. I don't remember like any of it. I get to go play with the iphone and eternity tmrw, I can't wait.

Well, night.
<3 xoxo

I Called it Off I Called it Quits and This is the Melody I'm Stuck With.

>:[
I found an ADORABLE bathing suit cover up at Victoria's Secret tonight, but it looks like a regular dress and its yellow and looks good with my hair. And I tried on a lot of dresses for Easter that looked good tonight but I knew this was the one. I step out of the dressing room and my mom's like "Not for Easter. You're boobs are showing." Like for real? They show in pretty much everything I wear. But suddenly it matters to her in the one dress I like. I'm getting a french manicure done tmrw cause I finally broke the habit of biting my nails and they are long now, and the yellow dress would look so cute with it.
So we're walking to leave the mall, cause I'm pissed. And she's like "some of your family members say that your boobs hanging out makes them uncomfortable" and I'm like "Kim?" and shes like "No, uncle Don" which is fucking dumb because he gets mad when I wear pants that say stuff on my butt or wear open toed shoes in Winter. So why listen to him now? The night basically ended with that I should wear shirts that go up to my neck, and only those.
Lindsey is coming with me to get my nails done if she still can, so since it's in Wtbry anyway, I'll probably ask my mom if we can see what Lindsey thinks.

I want to strip my hair back to it's natural color. I'm tried of having to dyr the roots to keep it decent. But I feel like I look so much younger with my regular color. Here's a picture of the color, but keep in mind that it hasn't been that color since the summer before Freshman year so I am younger in the picture. This is the only decent one I have, it's with Carissa because it was after Sara's birthday.
So I was looking at new cell phones tonight. If we stay with cingular, ooops I mean, at&t, I might get the iPhone. If I don't get the iPhone then I'm either getting the LG Vu, LG Incite, Samsung Impression, or Samsung Eternity. I like the Impression because it's touch screen but also has a slide out keyboard to text. But my blackberry is pretty smart so I want another smart phone so the iPhone is really the only thing that compares. Erin's had the iphone for a while so I think I'm gunna ask her how it is. Miss Caryn had it for like 2 weeks then returned it for the LG Shine. I'm totally pissed that even though my brother lost his last phone, he got a new sim card tonight to put in one of the old phones in our house so that he has a cell again. But the phone he has now has crappy buttons and they stick all the time, haha. I can't wait to get my new phoneee!

I'm tired. And I have to assist from 9-12 tmrw so, I'm going to sleep, maybe?

xoxo<3

You Act Like You Never Had Love, And You Want Me To Go Without

I'm in and have been in sucha good moood. One more day til vacationnnn. It's going to be a good one I assume.

• On Friday, I'm dying Easter eggs with Lindsey and maybe some other people? I think Kayla's leaving Friday morning so she can't come :/

• Saturday, Lindsey and I are getting our nails done.

• Sunday is Easter, and the family is coming over, and then we're supposedly going to my grandpa's brother's house for dessert.

• Monday through Friday, I don't have set plans. I'm supposed to be going on a date with Dave to the movies? For real, he invited me to see a movie and I said yes and he made me pinkie promise that I'd go. Then later on he said something to the effect of "what are we going to do on our date?"

Ha. Gotta love that kid. Today he was like:

"You're beautiful"
Me: "Yeah, I don't think so"
Dave: "Well, I do."
Me: "Okay, you must be crazy but thanks"
*We go to class*

It makes me feel special because he always says 'hi' to me in the hall and 'bye' to me at the end of the day.

After knowing Van Stone and the baby inside her since September, she finally left to have the baby last week.On Saturday, Baby Joey was born and he died later on (his obituary.) I feel so insanely bad for Miss Van Stone, her son Jamie and her husband. She was so nice, her family as well I'm sure, and they didn't deserve this.
Rest in Peace, baby Joey. 4/04/09-4/04/09

I got kicked out of Pawluk's class yesterday.
Heres the deal:
so I didn't put questions on my outline but still, it was 4 pages typed and he gave me a 50 for not having questions. Even though pretty much everyone had only done two pages. So I was like "Pawluk, I don't deserve this grade. I did so much more work than was needed. I shouldn't get 50 points off for the questions" and hes like "yeah, but I assigned the questions" and I'm like "I didn't have any questions, and I did so much more work" and I was like "whatever" and I went to sit down. And hes like "I am tired of you kids coming up here and ridiculing and yelling at me and you're not even calling me Mr." so I was like not even talking to him and I was like "just shut up" like saying it to Caitlin. And hes like "if you want to say shut up then go to your administrator" so i was like "fine, I don't know who the freak that is" and he's like "it's Mr.Lucke go to guidance." So i got to guidance and Lucke wasn't there so I just sat there and they ended up having me go to Studley and she's like "It seems like Pawluk is just having a bad day so you can sit in the room with the computers (in guidance) til the class is over" So I just sat and texted Lindsey.
So today I got called down to Lucke's office because Pawluk filled out a refferal and I'm like "I wasn't even talking to him. I could understand him saying that if I was looking at him or I was at his desk but I wasn't. I was at my desk talking to my friend." So he's like "Okay, I'll talk to Pawluk and call you down before the end of the day and tell you what's going to happen." So I left and the end of the day came and I never got called down. So I'm assuming Pawluk was like "Okay, my bad." ?

Uh, in other news? I got mini frogs tonight. You get two in the tank and they are estimated to live 2-4 years. They are really cute. The one with less and bigger spots in Marcus and the one with more and smaller spots is Fred. Then there is a snail who serves the purpose of cleaning the tank and his name is Sheldon.

The bunny's hopping around on the kitchen floor right now. If you were here, you'd hear my mom saying "Sadie, no! Stop! Don't eat that! Plastic will give you a tummy ache, dont eat it!" It's actually pretty funny.

I'm so beatt. I like did something to my good knee last night. Who knew you could hurt your knee while doing a split? Anyways, both knees have been hurting on and off today.

I have to do my link crew essay. I don't know what to write. Well, I do, but not EXACTLY what to write or how to make it a well written essay. It's about me so I can't get anything wrong.. atleast I have that going for me. Ha(:

Uhm , I think that's all? Night Guysss.
xoxo<3

And My Scars Remind Me, That the Past is Real. I Tear My Heart Open Just to Feel

I am sorer than sore right now.
In addition to my already sore shoulders, neck and hips (i guess you'd it?), my knees and feet are killing me.
Tonight we did tap from 7-7:25, ballet from 7:30-8:45, 5 minutes break, then ballet til 8:55 and jazz from 8:55-9:05.
I just want to collapse.
I finally feel like I'm fitting in more in dance. Yay for being in the "elite line" I''d guess you'd call cause Diana puts her favorites/ones she knows can handle it in that line.
I'm really happy that I got into that line in only my second year in that class. Some girls who have been there longer still aren't in it. But they also don't try as hard as they could.
I can't stand the girls that do drugs/smoke and then complain they can't do a step. This girl in our class was like "Can we not practice the turns anymore? I'm too tired" or something to that effect. I wanted to scream. Like for real, don't smoke or do drugs if you're going to dance. And if you do? Don't complain.

I had a dream like two weeks ago that I took a razorblade to my arm and cut a bunch of horizontal lines.
I woke up freaked out.
But now I keep picturing it when I get stressed or sad.
It really bothers me, a lot.
I don't know what to do to make the image go away for good.

Sometimes I hate that my teachers don't know about my anxiety.
I mean, I was told I could be put on a special plan to lighten work and make things easier.
But life isn't going to change for me, so why let it happen now? And plus, I've been doing a lot better.
You all remember the post about the midterms, correct?
Today I go up to my history teacher to ask what he thinks my final year end grade will be because of the mid term and he's "oh yeah, cause you screwed up and didn't take it so you could fail?" and it really hit me hard.
I mean, he assumes I just didn't feel like taking it but he knows absolutely nothing.
I don't think he has the right to accuse me of being a failure.

I'm going to be up until twoish tonight because I still have homework on Julius Caesar and then history notes because I couldn't focus in class after that stupid comment. And now I have to shower, which I'll probably make long because I'm seriously just going to cry right now.. and it's easier to cry in the shower where you can't be heard.
It's been a long week and I've missed so much sleep.
My school days have consisted of making origami bunnies cause it destresses me and calms me down (plus, my friends love them, ha) and work in the classes I need it.
I spent keyboarding class today playing tetris. I wanted to play bloons but all of the sites were blocked.

I'm going to shower. And probably sleep through school tmrw. Thank God for the weekend, where I will spend every moment sleeping.

Oh, and I'm now the proud owner of a bunny named Sadie. Who we called Bunnicula which turned into Nicula which turned into Nic. So there's a Nik and a Nic in the house now. Good?